The football makes us excited, enthusiased, happy, sorry, relaxed… and makes us laugh. And how laugh! The men of football sometimes make such jokes that they surpass the best comedians. The speaker who witnesses this immediately catches up. They compete in dropping bricks. Even the coaches, who are known the most sober-minded of the society, make talks that their names are written in gold letters in the funny history of the football. Since the primary actors are the footballers in this issue, they never hand over the leadership to the others.
Actually as you know the footballers start with “as I said” during the interviews. Stop, buddy! Where did you say? What did you say? You have not said anything yet… and also they make a vow saying ‘valla billa’. Ok, well, we believe you; you do not need to swear. Or should we not believe what you say?
Let’s review the uniform end-of-match declarations which I belive they are taught along with the basic football training.
When they win:
- We won; we are happy; now we will focus on the matches going forward.
When they are defeated:
- As a team, we struggled well but the league is a long marathon; now we will focus on the matches going forward.
Of course look ahead. Actually, you are exhausted to play football since you always look ahead, anyhow…
- The important thing is the victory of the team, not my score.
What a lie! Of course the victory is important, why this pomp? If you say the victory is important, why do you get bonus for the score?
- We would like to continue this rising in the next weeks.
...................
- Every match is as a final match…
Maybe there are 10 weeks to the end of the league…
- It was a difficult match; actually there is no easy match in the league.
Then???
- Our rivals play against us with extra motivation for whatever reason.
This is the reproach of the footballer of the “strong team” which is defeated by a weaker team as if asking “why do you play well?” even it is an immodest approach as if asking “did you get a bribe?”.
- The friendship in the team is very well.
Absolutely they had a quarrell during practice or match. Instances of not to reveal…
- The ball did not like us, you can’t achieve whatever you do. They score a goal agains who can’t score a goal.
Look, this is true. As Prekazi said “the ball has spirit, it does not go in the net if it doesn’t like to go".
- We are professional footballers.
Yes, we know this. You are not playing for pebble stones. And this means that who pay more; I will play for him, doesn’t it?
- You know, I never speak about the referees but today the referee was…
You should doubt about the ones who say I won’t marry; I won’t eat; and I won’t talk about the referees!
Let’s see what the persons said:
At the end of a match, Ümit Özat, who is the pioneer in machismo and gender discrimination, said:
- "We will win against Sparta Prag in Sparta.” Ümit Özat
- Speaker: "Yes, Ümit, Fenerbahçe won with your score today, what would you like to say?”
- Ümit Özat: "I am very happy! Today is my daughter’s birthday. I present this score to my son.”
- "The referee said me “fuck your mother”, I rightfully react him.” Engin, the goalkeeper
- Bülent Karpat: "aaaa Oktay, aaa, you had 2 scores, you scored one more today, now how many scores you have?
- Oktay Derelioğlu: 3
The match is ok but I wish we know some mathematics…
- ''During my whole life, I have understood that a match may not be won without scoring.” Hami Mandıralı
Guys, you have too much to learn from Hami.
- "To me, the team which lost fewer points not win more points will be champion” İbrahim Üzülmez
- Saba Tümer: When did you join the national team first?
Rıdvan Dilmen: In football?
No one gain the nickname of Devil without doing anything, he deserves this.
- Sabri Sarıoğlu: The important thing was receiving 3 points. (the match ended in a draw)
As you know, Sabri is of another species, needless to say more.
He was a phenomennan while playing football as now, Sergen Yalcin:
- "If Hasan Şaş is a star, I am comet“. Sergen
Reporter: Sergen, what kind of footballer you would be if you run more?
Sergen: I would be a runner rather than a footballer.
Vedat Okyar: Sergen, you are critisized that you do not run, what do you say about this?
Sergen: Dear Vedat, I get tired when I run, nobody understands me…
- "It is not so easy to transfer to Europe. After the match with Germany, Bayern Munich made some researches about me and they did not transfer me” Sergen Yalçın
- An executive of Beşiktaş: Sergen, it is said that you had been there on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, right?
- Sergen: It is right but not complete.
- An executive of Beşiktaş: I don’t understand.
- Sergen: I was there on Friday, too.
Ömer Güvenç: Sergen, You do not smoke or drink alcohol. Why this night life?
Sergen: Nooo, we drink sometimes, it is nice.
Rıdvan Dilmen: Sergen was a leader with his football playing but he did not warn his friends.
Sergen: There were so many that should be warned, I would not be able to play if I tried to warn them.
Sergen Yalçın: I can play football up to I become 40 – 42 year old; I don’t feel tired.
Reporter: Don’t you get tired?
Sergen: No.
Reporter: Why?
Sergen: I have not got exhausted because I did not practice too much.
Reporter: Sergen, what would you like to say about Gökhan and Bobo?
Sergen: Gökhan is a young friend and a good footballer. Bobo, Bobo has a good name.
Report: Sergen, what would you like to say for the ones who are under 18 and bet on football?
Sergen: They should be aware of German League, there are many surprises there.
Football Men;
Levent Özçelik is the first person who comes to the minds while talking about the funny times in relation to football. He is one of the ones who have not come into his own since he has not worked for any private channel and worked for TRT for years. You will understand what I say when you watch this video:
- Levent Özçelik: "Yes, Mr. Çakar, what would you say for this match? Difficult match…"
- Ahmet Çakar: "Difficult match… every match is difficult. Actually every match is easy…"
I bow respectfully before this philosophical explanation and do not speak forever…
- "Every team is equally but the strongest three are more equal." Ahmet Çakar
- "You can’t win in this 3-point system, if you do not score” Ümit Kayıhan
- "We bought as goal machine, but found it as a washing machine” Mehmet Ali Yılmaz
- "Casillas is one of the most successful goalkeepers in the field” Ömer Üründül
Someone should tell Ömer Üründül, a team has only one goalkeeper.
- "If none of the teams score, the match will end in a draw”. Ömer Üründül
They say that Ömer Üründül does not know football, as you see, he knows.
- "If they would like to hire a foreign coach for the national team, I also have a German citizenship.” Yılmaz Vural
I wrote something about Yilmaz Vural in my previous essays. God bless him.
Ümit Aktan: Amokachi put his assets into it.
(When Amokachi put its golden necklace in his uniform in the match between Kocaeli and Beşiktaş)
Ümit Aktan: It is a snowy day. Not all of the snow removed from the field. From here, the field seems to be spinach with yoghurt.
Ümit Aktan: Hells bells, Nielsen! If you are a referee, I am the engineer who constructed the Bosphorus Bridge. (during the match between Galatasaray and Juventus)
Ümit Aktan: In this 90 minutes, against the audiences who are not satisfied with 3-0 against Manchester United, while we were happy with 3-2 in favor of Galatasaray, but now we mope about finishing the match with 3-3.
(The match ended with 3 – 3, but it took him too long to remember it.)
Orhan Ayhan: I think there is foul, dear audiences. I can’t see well. They give us very bad places to release the match, I mean at the nooks… we are trying to fulfill our job. For example, there is an imposing woman against me now, it is impossible for me to see the field. (the match between Beşiktaş and Antalyaspor)
Ertem Şener: Liverpool rushes into our goalpost. No place left in our mouths since whe have our heart in our mouths, dear audiences.
Ertem Şener: ‘Kaka’ (kaka means "shit" in Turkish) of Milan rush into us dangerously.
Bülent Karpat: They shoot the corner kick at a very threatening place.
TRT speaker Abidin Aydoğdu: The match has ended but we still concede a goal, dear audiences (When the Turkish national team gives away the 8th goal at 90+1 during the match with England.)
TRT speaker: The match between Ankaragücü and Gençlerbirliği was won by the team of the capital city (both are the teams of Ankara).
Is it possible to talk about the funny things of football without Ilker Yasin, the sport speaker? By the way, have you noticed we have not mentioned the slips of Halit Kivanc? Anyway…
İlker Yasin: Beside our valuable guests, there are two more valuable guests.
(That’s to say, everyone equal, but some are more equal…)
İlker Yasin: Effort to develop mature attach with diagonal passes…
(Excuise me?)
İlker Yasin: Hells bells, Hayrettin; I have not even announce the footballers of the teams.
(for goalkeeper Hayrettin, who give away a goal in the first minutes of the match…)
İlker Yasin: Yes, dear audiences, the stranger Negros, the stranger Arabs score a hat trick; while our Hakan and Oktay hit the sheets. (For Oliviera who scored a hat trick in the match between Belgium and Turkey)
İlker Yasin: Yes, Hamit. Do not keep the ball too long. Welldone but not to kick it there. Ah! He gain the ball again. Welldone, he immediately gave a pass. Okan, Okan, run there. Now, return to the backfield. Remove immediately the ball from your hand. Hakan, run towards the left side. Welldone! (The match between Turkey and Denmark on 3 September 2005).
İlker Yasin was a coach but we are unaware of this!..
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Actually, I was planning to tell you 8 or 10 funny stories when I started my paper but I saw that they went beyond hundreds after I made researches through internet. At this rate, this article will not be completed. The best thing to do is to say goodbye to you with a saying by Hagi who has endless football intelligence and we love forever:
- "The head does everything anytime. It requires a head. But no arse. The arse always sit but the head always thinks. Hagi
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAKxBp8wjDMhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAKxBp8wjDM
That is all, is there a better saying more than this that explains which organ should be used in playing football?
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